Saturday, August 17, 2013

Church 2013 - A Review (by Brian Altano of IGN.com)


It's hard to believe that it has been so many centuries since the developer RELIGION released the popular "Church" franchise. With thousands of different versions making their way to platforms all over the world, how does the latest iteration in the series hold up? 

As it turns out, Church 2013 is a mixed bag and this once interesting life-improvement simulator is now showing its age and inability to innovate more than ever before. In fact, Church 2013 is practically an unplayable mess.

Most of the gameplay in Church 2013 involves sitting, standing or kneeling while endless dialogue cutscenes go on and on. Using real-world currency, players are often prompted to enhance their status within Church 2013 or purchase "Unlimited Life" in the rumoured New Game+ DLC. Unfortunately, I have found that almost none of these purchases seem to improve my character no matter how many times I have paid.

For a title that promises ease of use, this system is broken at best and seems to value only the richest of players. Loot drops are few and far between, although the optional Bread & Wine Eucharist sidequest is always present despite having little to no effect on my character. And that's not helping the ridiculous storylines, which waiver from hilariously over-the-top and entertaining to convoluted, hypocritical and offensive. How exactly is the Woman character class created using merely a rib from the Man character class? And why is she programmed to be so helpless and underpowered when compared to the Man character class who even goes as far as to command full control of her character and decision tree during the baby introduction stages. And why are the two players permanently punished for seeking additional Tutorial information during the Eden campaign? None of these questions are ever really answered even though the developers seem content with assuming their actions are not only unquestionable, but completely definitive.

Meanwhile, while the soundtrack may seem deep and influential, most of the songs are just uninspired remixes of the in-game narrative mumbled pointlessly by the NPC's. The entire lyrics sheet to Church 2013's main theme "Hallelujah" for example, is really just the song's title repeated over and over at different lengths and octaves, which is lazy at best. Church 2013's sound design is repetitive, with most of the audio coming from an organ and one vocalist. It is worth noting  that the Blackchurch mod adds happier characters and electric guitar.

It's honestly hard to imagine how much longer this franchise can go on for, as little to no improvements are made to it annually and it seems to be holding the genre back more than helping it. Church 2013 is rated E for Everyone and playable for people of all ages although most modern players may find the title to seem strange and incoherent when compared to some of the more contemporary offerings such as Science 2013, Logic 2013 and Facts 2013. Additionally, younger players may find Church 2013 to be scary and intimidating as they are more susceptible  to physical and emotional damage from the Priest character classes. In a time where players have dozens of better options to choose from, Church 2013 feels like a giant clunky step backwards. 

Church 2013 is a Massively Multiplayer, free-to-pray simulator that is not compatible with atheist, tolerant, agnostic or same-sex systems.


Grade: 3.5 / 10






Wksc.

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